Cemeteries Here and There

I visited the cemetery in La Crosse where Mom and Dad (and Grandma and Grandpa Schreiber) are buried. I still find it hard to believe that Mom isn't here. The wreath I ordered looked over the plot, but it had no joy. The day was grey, overcast and foggy, just like my mood. The year of death had been inscribed on the headstone. All was final, the place desolate, me the sole visitor in the solemn park. I couldn't help but compare the space with the vibrant celebrations that I witnessed in the cemeteries in Oaxaca. We don't know how to honor our dead. We put them aside, we move on.

I made what I call my Ofrenda Navidad (Christmas Alter) on my mantel. I placed photographs and objects under the wreath that was lit with the lights we used to have at home and ornaments from Mom and Dad's trees. The display has given me the chance to talk about my parents with friends visiting this holiday season. I've shared some stories and know that some I need to record.

The year is coming to a close. I will spend the final days off-line in frigid northern Wisconsin. I'm hoping for ski-able snow, cozy fires, and a little time to read and write and get ready for the new year. I'm hoping mine has fewer calamities and continued journeys as I discover what my retirement is meant to be. 

Oaxaca, Mexico. November 2014 - Part Two

The City of Oaxaca

On my first day in Oaxaca I came across a wedding celebration outside Santo Domingo: an off-key band blasting traditional Mexican music, lovely dancers in traditional dress, and a drone flying over Santo Domingo photographing the event.

It was the perfect contradiction that I find all over Mexico; the honoring of ancient traditions with the acceptance of whatever is new, in this case technology. You've got to love this country.

SPECIAL EVENTS, November 2014

Day of the Dead
I wrote of this in the last post, but failed to mention some of the street activities like the sand paintings and murals that I passed every day.

A special exhibit near Santo Domingo showcased food and crafts of the season. I got to watch a man make a molinillo (the wooden whisk used to froth Mexican chocolate) using a lathe and a chisel.

Book Fair: 34 Feria Internacional del Libro Oaxaca 2014
Tents filled with books, stages for readings and discussions, areas for storytelling and kid's activities . . . (www.filoaxaca.com) I wished I knew more Spanish. . .

A very cool stand for book display.

Music Festival: Instrumenta Oaxaca 2014
Free concerts every day for over two weeks. Internationally famous musicians. Beautiful music in gorgeous venues. (www.instrumenta.mx) No need to know Spanish.

Guest guitarist Thomas Muller-Pering with a Oaxacan symphony orchestra.

MUSEUMS

I have a special connection to the Museo Textil de Oaxaca. (www.museotextildeoaxaca.org.mx) 

Eric Chavez, the educational director at the museum, was one of the first weavers we met in Teotitlan del Valle in the late 1990s. At that time he was innovating with personal interpretations of traditional Zapotec designs and experimenting with natural dyes. Now at the museum, he gave us a special tour in English of the exhibit of the work of Irmgard W. Johnson, a U.S. woman who traveled in Mexico documenting indigenous textile techniques with meticulous notes, drawings and samples of the clothing. The temporary exhibit changed at the end of my stay and I was privileged to see another stunning presentation of textiles died with purple shellfish, cochineal, and indigo and an accompanying photo exhibit of the works of Rafael Doniz.

Another delightful museum that should be on everyone's list is the Stamp Museum, or as it is officially known MUFI Museo de Filatelia de Oaxaca (www.mufi.org.mx). It's open long hours and is free (as is the Textile Museum). You will find amazing displays and filing systems as well as delightful open spaces. 

Both of these museums receive funding from the Alfredo Harp Helú Foundation (http://www.fahh.com.mx/). This foundation also funded the previously mentioned music festival and book fair. Every city should be so lucky to have private money supporting public arts (and other civic causes).

STREET LIFE

There is always something happening in Oaxaca. And even when it appears quiet, the parks and the architecture and the people provide easy entertainment.

To be continued in a future post. . .

(A month of activities with a camera or two in my hand at all times has made this "summary" quite difficult. I will post more photos and thoughts later, but for now I will turn my attention to the holidays.)

Oaxaca, Mexico. November 2014 - Part One

The Beginning
A month in one place in the warm climate of Mexico. This was one of my goals for post-retirment from Chiripa.

View from my Oaxaca apartment rooftop looking east.

I wanted to see if I liked it and how I would spend my time. Circumstances made November a good choice: a perfect place in Oaxaca found on VRBO/Vacation Rental By Owner (http://www.vrbo.com/407237) and what I thought would be not the coldest of times in Wisconsin, but cold enough to make me appreciate the warm Mexican sun. Little did I know that the Polar Vortex would descend again in November on Wisconsin. I felt a bit smug.

Papaya for breakfast every morning!

Dia de los Muertos/Day of the Dead
I arrived in Oaxaca, Mexico on October 31st just in time to partake of the many Day of the Dead activities going on in the city. I have a deep respect for this ancient ritual of honoring and communing with departed loved ones. 

Many businesses have ofrendas (alters). 

This one was at Las Golondrinas, a favorite hotel.

The street scene at night in Oaxaca had a feeling similar to "Freak Fest" in Madison, Wi; people strolling the pedestrian walks and Zocalo (central park) in costume, some posing for photo ops and collecting donations. I tend to avoid the crowds in Madison and this was just a small amusement for me.

What appeared to be an almost spontaneous parade convened beneath the rooftop restaurant where I was dining. The pope brought up the rear!

The real attraction for me was the cemeteries. On November 2nd I experienced two. In the afternoon I walked to the huge Panteón San Miguel (the Oaxaca cemetery). People were arriving with loads of flowers, marimbas were playing, food was being shared. I had only my phone camera, but tried to capture some of the ambiance.

In the evening I went with a small tour group to the neighborhood cemetery of San Filipe de Agua. There I experienced the chaos, the music, the rituals, and the flowers of Dia de los Muertos traditions. 

I did feel intrusive with my camera and my gauking, but this community seemed well prepared for the curious tourists and I've heard that many families wait until after the interlopers have gone back to their hotels to pay their tributes.

My Oaxaca Digs
Finding my apartment on VRBO was one of those Chiripa moments (a happy accident). 

Callas from the local tianguis (pop-up market)

The place was perfect for me. As the owner showed me around I kept recognizing the folk art that we had purchased for Chiripa! I knew the artists! It was like walking back into the shop. She even had a custom-made hammered copper table-top. 

Jenna and Karen at Heirve el Augua

The first two weeks I was joined by Karen (my Spanish teacher in Madison) and her daughter Jenna from Albequerque. I was taking Spanish classes at this time, so we would often meet up in the afternoon and go out for dinner in the evening.

Jennifer and Brian enjoying a glass of wine at Tres Bistro on the zócalo

Week three Jim joined me along with Jennifer and Brian our tennis buddies from Madison. And the final week daughter Heather visited and Jim stayed on. It's been a long time since we've spent a week together. Quite fun. 

Jim and Heather at San Augustín Etla

For apartment details go to http://www.vrbo.com/407237 and see the pictures and description. But, there's no picture of the purple exterior!

Spanish Class
Another goal for this trip was to improve my poor Spanish and timid attempts to use the language. 

I enrolled at ICO (Instituto Cultural Oaxaca) and attended classes from 9 a.m. until 1 p.m. five days a week for two weeks. It wasn't really enough and I lapsed into speaking English whenever I could. But, I did work hard at it and I became more confident at initiating interactions with non-English speakers. It will be a lifelong effort for me and I'm not going to beat myself up for not being good at it. I'll just keep plodding along with my once a week class in Madison and attempt to find other ways to learn and use the language. It's quite interesting, really. I think I started too late. Oh, well.

Two classmates with my teacher Marycarmen in the center.

An affiliated non-profit organization called EnVia operates out of the school. They provide small no-interest business loans to women in the Oaxaca valley. I was intrigued by the concept and signed up (with Karen and Jenna) to take a tour of a few of the loan recipients. The cost of the tour ($700 pesos or $55 US dollars) is considered a donation and it goes toward loans for the women. The loans start at $1,500 pesos (or around $120 U. dollars). EnVia knows that the loans will help the women and their families. Their payback rate is almost 100%.

 Maria needs a loan to buy more cochineal 

(the bugs that grow on the cactus and provide the red die needed for her weaving).

Anna Mari needs a cooler so she can sell soft drinks at her corner grocery store. 

 Andrea needs more wood to fuel her tortilla business.

You, too, can help these proud women by going to the EnVia website and making a donation.

More Oaxaca photos and experiences in the next post. . .

Book Group: Sept, Oct, Nov 2014

I did not intend this blog to feature books. I just meant to use the space as a record of what my book group read and how I felt about it. Instead, it drives the posts since it happens each month. To catch up for now:

Book: The Wives of Los Alamos
Author: TaraShea Nesbit
Group meeting: Sept (did not attend; funerals in La Crosse)

Although I found the book compelling, I kept wishing for a singular story. The "we" focus made it inclusive, but less personal. I did hear a comment after the group meeting that some in the group were of that age and this made the history more real. The lives of the families isolated in the desert seemed dreadful to me.

Book: Burial Rites
Author: Hanna Kent
Date: Tuesday, Oct. 2, 2014
Place: Ginny's
Dessert: German Chocolate Cake

Not a happy story. Based on a real story of the final beheading of a woman in Iceland in the 1800s. Compelling read, almost like a mystery. I was overwhelmed by the cold and filth and lack of privacy.



Book: I know Why the Caged Bird Sings
Author Maya Angelou
Date: November (will not attend; in Mexico)

I probably won't read this. I listened to a series of essays by Maya Angelou while driving to and from the cabin last summer. This book was picked to honor the passing of Maya Angelou this year. Her life story is poignant and she is an inspiration.

An Orphan

Both of my parents died in early September. Ruth and Harry Harnish had been married for 68 years. They lived in the same home in La Crosse, Wisconsin, all those years. I will recount to the best of my recollection the sequence of events leading up to their passing. If you don't want to read the details skip on to another post. This is probably for me more than anyone else.

Ruth and Harry Harnish, August 17, 1946.

Upon returning from a California vacation I spent a couple days at home before going to La Crosse. Mom seemed happy for the visit. The top priority: get her computer email working!!! When I finished that task (Thursday, September 4, 2014) she tried it out and seemed thrilled. She said: "You're almost as smart as Jim!" It made me laugh. She was excited to get back to her email communications.

But, Dad was doing poorly. His regular Hospice nurse came on Friday morning. It was clear to her that Mom was also weaker and with Dad failing it was decided that either he needed to be moved or there needed to be someone with Mom 24/7. Moving Dad to a nursing home was not what Mom wanted. I decided to do what I could to help and to rally the other siblings and spouses to make it work for at least a short time.

Hospice trained me to prepare and administer Dad's medications. I got mentally pumped to be there and help as long as needed. As it turned out, Dad slipped away that very afternoon. He seemed to know me and his last bite to eat was his favorite; watermelon.

Mom was surprised, but rallied. She called Hospice and then the minister. She was weak but interacted with everyone. Later, as the funeral home person wheeled Dad out of the house she said, "I'll see you soon."

We had decided with the pastor that Dad's funeral would be Monday, Sept. 8. Saturday was a wirlwind: visit to the funeral home to make arrangements, pick casket, etc; then a visit to the florist where Mom was engaged enough to talk with the floral designer about her father. Mom had purchased old National Geographic magazines from his collection. She chatted in her "Ruth" style.

That afternoon we made her lie down, thinking she needed rest. She wouldn't stay down long. I noticed her losing some manual acuity and searching harder for words, but her husband had just died and she was weak. Who wouldn't be a bit confused?

Sunday we began to worry that she might be too weak to attend the funeral and she agreed to go to urgent care. We thought they might give her fluids to get some strength. 
Tests showed dangerously low potassium and sodium levels. She was admitted to the hospital. The staff said if she was up to it she could have a "pass" for Monday's funeral, but would need to return to the hospital.

In the afternoon, Gracie and Tim were with her at the hospital while I continued with arrangements for the next day. Relatives were arriving. I went to see her Sunday evening. She seemed herself; a little apprehensive about Monday, but agreed with the plans. She was quite nervous about being able to remember names. 

A tech came in to take a blood sample and she started quizzing him like she does with all people she meets: What's your name, Where do you live, Viroqua? That's a long way to drive, etc.

At about 9:30 pm I said good night and went "home" to get ready for the funeral and pack her clothes for the event. I stayed up too late with Jim pulling final photos for the photo board and reminiscing as we poured over the numerous albums. We went to bed on the front porch just like old times in the hot summer. The phone rang at 1:30 a.m. Mom had been moved to ICU, "an apparent seizure." We went immediately (10 min. away). She was not conscious. They had administered drugs. They thought it would take a while for her to wake up. We went home knowing she would not be at the funeral.

In the morning we checked in at the hospital. Mom was still not awake. We went to the church for the visitation before Dad's funeral. The hardest part was watching for people I did not know who were looking for Mom. (I live in another city and neither my brothers nor I had attended the church in many years.) I had to explain to people where she was.

The funeral and interment went smoothly. (My parents had each selected their preferred pastor, hymns, and passages to be read at the traditional Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod church.) The grandkids were the pallbearers. It was a warm fall day. I had prepared a short piece to say at the luncheon and started it with info on Mom. At that point we were still waiting for her to wake up. People came to the house. Nieces had travelled far. There was a progression of visits to the hospital, but Mom was never conscious.

Tuesday morning electrodes were attached to her skull to track brain activity. A call to the room from the neurologist reading the signals indicated that she was having continual seizures. He ordered two more stronger drugs to combat the seizures. Nothing changed.

By Wednesday morning we all knew that she would not awake and there was nothing else to be done. Mom was moved out of ICU to a private room where we stayed with her around the clock. My brothers took the night shifts and sister-in-law Gracie was set to do the next one. On Saturday, September 13 in the afternoon Aunt Phyl, Heather and I were chatting, standing on three sides of Mom's bed, and she stopped breathing. It was a peaceful moment. I know she wanted to be with Dad. I wish I believed that that's how it works. Many thoughts, questions, emotions and opinions swirl in my head about those last days. I think it could have gone better, but nothing will change the fact that she left us. 

We arranged a second funeral. We knew the drill. More friends and relatives arrived; some cousins I hadn't seen in many years. A reunion is in the works. 

I am learning much about beneficiaries and joint accounts and the little (and big) things we should all take care of. Two so close together complicates things for some institutions. Thank you, Mom, for being so organized. Your lists and files were perfect. You are an inspiration in so many ways.

I miss you. I catch myself paraphrasing my life, my days, and then I stop. Because you aren't there to read my emails. And I realize no one really cares what I'm doing on a daily basis like you did. Maybe there's some freedom in that fact, but also some loneliness. Good-bye. I wish we had had time after Dad died to travel together. But, that wasn't your plan, only mine. I miss you.

Marathon cribbage games with a running total of wins. 

(They were about equal!)

Summer Fun

Tennis and Knee Angst

An overall lovely summer meant great evening tennis matches outside. I'm not a great player, but for some reason it is the most compelling sport for me. This creates a problem with my arthritic knees. Both my physical therapist and an orthopedic surgeon recommend having my right knee replaced soon. That will mean a long interruption to playing. Most times it does not hurt, but it does impede my movement and my ability to do stairs easily. What a huge decision when I just want to have fun!

Some of the Yippy Skippy Tuesday group.

Sitka Salmon Shares

I made a wise decision signing up for Sitka Salmon Shares, a monthly delivery of frozen seafood from small fishing boats out of Sitka, Alaska. I have a soft spot for Sitka because we traveled there a few times visiting our late friend Jim Downs. He is still a force in my life; a character and a conscience. We hope to travel to Sitka in the next year or two and visit Kitty and the beautiful landscapes of SE Alaska. In the meantime I'll savor every bit of my salmon (3 kinds), black cod, rock fish, and halibut.

Superhero Online Photography Class (gift from Heather)

Daily assignments and instructions/hints for 6 weeks beginning in early July. Got me carrying my camera again and working at shots. This self portrait flinging myself onto the bed took some time and was a riot to do. I felt totally silly and totally lucky to get the shot.

Other images were less dynamic. I could take time to appreciate the place and light.

Cabin and Rhinelander School for the Arts

Decided to combine a class in 3-D construction (think shadow-box) with a stay at the cabin. Barbara Vater came for the weekend as did my brother Skip and his wife Marilyn. Might even do it again.

Book Group August 26, 2014

Book: The Last Runaway 
Author: Tracy Chevalier
(did not attend; vacationing in California)

I didn't expect to enjoy this book. I find that images and passages from books with painful subjects like slavery stick with me. It was really the fine stitchery of the English Shakers contrasted with the bold Midwestern applique quilts and the African-American pieced quilts that pulled the book together and kept me reading. I highly recommend this one. 





Minneapolis Visit; Early August

 Sunset sail with Gary and Sharon

Paella party for the Leo Birthdays

Trip Aug 18-31: Oakland and Northern California

Great trip and visit with Rhea and Larry in Oakland. Hope to post more photos and stories sometime.

Summer ends abruptly. See next post.

Book Group: May, June, and July 2014

Book: Life After Life

Author: Kate Atkinson

Group meeting: Thursday May 29, 2014

Place: My house

Dessert: Poppyseed cake in honor of Barbara's birthday!

Note to self: write these things more promptly. My memory fades. . .

My overwhelming reaction to this book was that the author couldn't make up her mind and so presented the same scenes over and over with different details and outcomes. Challenging for the reader. Excellent depiction of life in London during the German bombing during WWII. 

NO IMAGE (downloaded book on my iPad)

Book: Someone

Author: Alice McDermott

Group meeting: Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Place: Jean's house

Dessert: Homemade lemon ice cream and shortbread cookies

I found the story tedious. A woman's life in Brooklyn; her family; her loves; her job at the funeral parlor; her children. Well written, but it didn't move me. However, for some in the group it was the "best I've read in 10 years." Really? We are a diverse group in our literary tastes at least.

Book: Boy, Snow, Bird

Author: Helen Oyeyemi

Group meeting: Monday, July 28, 2014

Place: Barbara's

Dessert: blueberry pie with whipped cream (Thelma's crust recipe)

This one is a page-turner. A perfect summer read. Problem was, I read it too fast and had to re-read parts of it again to review before Book Group. A rat catcher who abuses his child; her life after she runs away; mixed race families and a big surprise at the end. A little contrived at times, but I liked it.

Three Springs

1) Madison
Spring came late. It seemed that winter would never end. Migrating birds were abundant for a short time and the spring wildflowers lasted long with the cool weather.

Trillium photo, the first with my new iPhone.

Magnolias blossomed in the Arboretum more than a month later than last year.

 And, we could begin painting the house with no mosquitos. (Going from purples to greens.)

2) The Lonely Pines

We were able to see the leaves unfold a second time a couple weeks later at the cabin (The Lonely Pine/s on Moccasin Lake near Elcho, Wisconsin). The dock was in the water. It is an almost annual event for Jim to repair it. Note fleece and stocking cap. That water is COLD!

Nothing better than morning coffee by the lake.

3) The MN North Shore (my first real "vacation" in retirement)

This is way up north. As a matter of fact we would have continued around Lake Superior, but we failed to bring our passports for travel into Canada. The cool weather kept the bugs down and the people away. 

Fog on the way up.

We had lovely walks, a bike ride on the Gitchi-Gumi Trail, and great food. Sharon and Gary Charles joined us at the rustic KahNeeTah/Lakeview (sort of) cabin which gave us good access to all the area parks and restaurants.

 Sharon comes out the door, ready for our bike ride.

Gary searches for Lake Superior rocks (or he's washing his hands).

 Jim contemplates the volume of water passing!

A tip from Minneapolis friends sent us to this beach to look for rocks. Great sign!